the meanest mom ever...

 When I was little, I realized I had the meanest mom in the world. Instead of letting me watch TV all day, she gave us roller skates and bikes and a swing set and told us to go outside and play. We dug holes in her backyard and made mud swimming pools, staining our underpants brown. And she let us! What kind of a mom does that?

She was so mean, she made us wear hand-me-downs and second-hand clothes so we could learn the value of saving money. If we bought new clothes, they were usually from the clearance rack. How humiliating. I mean, what kid wants to look good wearing second-hand and clearance-rack clothes? She tricked us into enjoying the hunt of a good deal. Sheesh.

My mom made us eat good food. In fact, she was so mean, she never mentioned the word "diet" around us. When she went on a diet, we had to, too. She was so sneaky she called it "Eating Healthy" and we ate more fruits and veggies and less sugary stuff. We were so brainwashed that I will never go on a trendy diet, even if all my friends are doing it.

Seriously. She was so mean that she made us be nice to people, even if they weren't nice to us. She would explain that maybe they were going through something hard that we don't know about. And she always made us be the first to say hello because according to my mean mom, everyone is waiting for someone else to make the first move of friendship. I am so shy that it is just. So. Mean. to make me be the first to say hello!

My mom is a hard worker. She is so mean, she made us have to work hard, too, even if we complained the whole time. We had to pull weeds. We had to do dishes and dust and vacuum. She taught aerobics classes my entire life (for free!), and whenever anyone is moving, she volunteers to clean their toilets. And she tricked us into thinking she was happy doing it. Thanks a lot, mom!

She was so mean that she made me cry. Okay, really she was just listening when I was crying, but still, talking about my friend-drama or crush-heartaches made me cry harder. But she always managed to wring those tears out of me when she heard me sniffling at night -- especially when the drama (and hormones...) was at its peak in middle school. She sat on my bed and just listened for hours. Making me cry until I was done crying. Sometimes it made my head hurt. So mean.

Now that I'm a mom, I'm happy to say that I'm a mean mom, too. I make my kids respect people, and look out for others who might need a friend. I make my kids hang up their own clothes (their own hand-me-down clothes, nonetheless. So mean!), and learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy foods so they can choose wisely. I make them play outside, and limit their video game time. I listen to them when they have something on their mind.

It's like a wicked cycle, because I'm pretty sure at the rate my kids are going, they'll be mean parents someday, too. And I couldn't be prouder!

Thank you mom, for teaching me how to be a mother. I'll always love you for that.